Surprising Things Kids Put on Their Christmas Wish Lists, According to Mall Santas

What's it like being a mall Santa? These hilarious Christmas wish lists from kids leave us with even more questions.

They say being a parent is the hardest job in the world, but being a mall Santa is a close second. In addition to being asked to resurrect recently deceased pets, Santa has to keep a straight face when asked for hilariously bizarre Christmas gifts.

These Redditors share the funniest requests they ever got, and let’s just say, the Christmas wish lists range from heartwarming to hysterically funny.

Finger Food

Kid asked Santa for pickles and black olives

channelserfer / Reddit

Appetizers are arguably the best part of holiday parties.

No judgment here, pal.

A Replica of His Dead Dog

Kid asked Santa for a stuffed dog that looked like the one he lost

autumnx / Reddit

We’re not crying, you’re crying.

Who’s up for a trip to Build-a-Bear?

An Infomercial Towel

Let’s be honest: We all wanted a Shamwow. It’s just a microfiber towel, but we wanted it anyway.

With enough Shamwows, we could save the world, and there’s nothing you can say that will change our minds.

A Christmas Tree, Every Year

ontheneedles / Reddit

The kid did, in fact, already have a Christmas tree. He loved them so much, he wanted another.

Someone tell this Redditor that she’s raising Buddy the Elf.

Squirrels??

Daliniues / Reddit

For what purpose? Did Santa drop coal and coupons for therapy down the chimney?

Because he should have.

A Man

Punkidive / Reddit

Sometimes, the toys meant for boys are just better. Imagine trying not to laugh, though.

Working as a mall Santa must be the best acting practice on the planet.

The Undead

Akayliin / Reddit

Zombies.

Just zombies, with no further explanation.

Just … What?

goeasyitsmyfirsttime / Reddit

A white thing? Are we talking snow, cotton balls, bunnies or what?

And wait, an eye?!

The Soul of St. Nick

Bveress / Reddit

That’s one way to ask for immortality.

Someone tell this Redditor that it’s rude to ask people for their souls.

Donkey Freedom

Kids guessing what animals want for Christmas

What would a donkey do with a tank?

Be a pain in the butt, probably.

A Casket of Souls

jhennaside / Reddit

Unsure what’s worse: asking Santa for his soul specifically or an entire casket of run-of-the-mill souls.

Both seem like a free ticket to the naughty list.

A Miracle for His Sister

Kid asked Santa to fix his sister's blindness

MetaMomma / Reddit

That’s a lot of pressure for a mall Santa, but the fact that it all miraculously worked out gives us hope.

Maybe Christmas magic is real after all.

A Belt

fufe25 / Reddit

Belts are pretty cool, we guess.

Maybe this Redditor had a bad experience with pants in a past life.

A Lunchable

As a person who was not allowed to eat “that processed garbage in a box,” I, too, would love a Lunchable for Christmas.

The cheese isn’t real, and that’s why it’s amazing.

Santa’s Skin

gloomylumi / Reddit

Just when we thought asking for Santa’s soul was the worst possible request, it got even worse.

A Walrus

fluberbucket / Reddit

Parents, we should all be very grateful that we are secretly Santa. Imagine the nightmare of Santa granting every insane wish.

Who do you even call to remove a live walrus from the living room?

And Last but Not Least…

ShriekingGeek / Reddit

Imagine realizing what you asked for decades later. This is the kind of stuff that keeps us awake at night. You know Santa told all his friends about that one, and can you blame him?

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