10 Strict Amish Courtship Rules You’ve Never Heard Of
Love in Amish country comes with rules that might surprise anyone unfamiliar with their traditions. These customs may seem unusual to outsiders, but they’ve shaped Amish relationships for generations in ways few truly understand. This article will discuss some unusual aspects of the Amish way of life and courtship style.
No Public Displays of Affection
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Holding hands, hugging, or sneaking a quick kiss—none of that happens in Amish courtship. The Amish believe love should be private, and this rule is rooted in respect and modesty. Even after marriage, couples rarely express affection that others can see.
Bundling
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This old-fashioned custom allows a courting couple to spend the night together—fully clothed, with strict rules in place. The idea is to encourage conversation and emotional bonding without any physical intimacy. Some communities take extra precautions, such as using a wooden divider or sewing the suitor into a unique bag to prevent temptation.
Rumspringa
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At around 16, Amish youth enter Rumspringa, a period during which they can explore life outside their culture. They can try out modern things and attend parties before deciding to be baptized into the Amish church. It’s also a prime time for courtship when young people meet their future spouses.
Sunday Night Singings
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Sunday evenings are prime time for courtship. Unmarried men and women gather in a barn or home as they sing hymns and socialize under the watchful eye of their elders. There’s no pressure, no speed dating—just slow, meaningful connections formed through faith, family, and, of course, a few old-fashioned love songs.
Parental Approval
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Dating in the Amish is about uniting two families. Parental approval is key before any courtship gets serious. Amish parents don’t arrange marriages, but they do offer strong guidance. A potential suitor’s work ethic, religious commitment, and family background are all carefully considered.
Attending Church Together
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One of the clearest signs that a couple is serious is when they sit together in church. It’s meant to prove that their relationship is built on faith more than anything else. And since church attendance is central to Amish life, they believe that a couple that prays together stays together.
Limited Use of Technology
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Many communities don’t allow phones or the Internet, so couples rely on handwritten letters and church gatherings to stay connected. If a young man wants to express his interest, he might visit a girl’s home late at night for a supervised conversation under the watchful eyes of her parents.
No Gifts or Tokens
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The Amish believe love isn’t about material things. They rely more on acts of service, kind words, and time spent together than any store-bought gift they could find. Wedding gifts, like homemade quilts or handcrafted furniture, are practical, given by family and friends rather than purchased by the couple themselves.
No Photographs
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If an Amish couple shares a special moment, there won’t be a selfie to capture it. They avoid photographs because they believe pictures encourage pride and vanity. This means no engagement photos, wedding albums, or dating snapshots to look back on.
No Engagement Rings
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An Amish engagement doesn’t come with a shiny diamond. In fact, engagement rings aren’t part of the tradition at all. They see rings as unnecessary symbols of wealth and pride, which go against their values. When a couple decides to marry, they usually keep it quiet for several months.
Homemade Wedding Attire
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Forget designer wedding gowns—the Amish bride makes her dress, often in shades of purple or blue instead of traditional white. The dress is simple, modest, and free from lace or embellishments. Grooms also wear plain attire, usually black pants, a vest, and a white shirt.
Celery at Weddings
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Celery is a staple at wedding feasts! They’re often found in soups, casseroles, and even used as table decorations. Families grow extra celery in their gardens as preparation for the wedding. Legends also have it that celery symbolizes fertility and abundance.
Weddings at Home
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The Amish don’t fuss over fancy church aisles or grand ballrooms. Weddings happen at the bride’s family home, usually in a barn or a big room packed with loved ones. The guest list isn’t small either—sometimes over 300 people show up, and everyone pitches in to make it happen.
No Honeymoon
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Newlywed Amish couples stay right where they are, often jumping straight into daily life. In some cases, they spend their first few weeks visiting family and friends to thank them for attending the wedding. The Amish believe marriage isn’t about escaping reality but building a future together, starting with the hard work of everyday life.
Living with Parents Post-Wedding
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Starting married life often means moving back in with the bride’s parents. It’s a practical arrangement—newlyweds save money while adjusting to life together, and the extra hands help with household chores. Over time, they’ll work toward building their own home, usually with help from the community.