Modern Marriage Is Dying? What Couples Therapists Really Think
Marriage used to mean property, inheritance, and a joint checking account. These days, you can build a life together without the license, live apart and still call it love, or redefine the whole thing from scratch. So is marriage outdated or just evolving? Here’s what 15 couples therapists have to say about what it actually means today.
Marriage Still Packs Emotional Value
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It turns out commitment hasn’t gone out of style. While marriage no longer carries the same societal expectations, experts say it still holds emotional weight. The idea of standing by someone through life’s highs and lows can create a deep sense of trust, stability, and purpose if both partners are in it for the right reasons.
It’s Adapting, Not Disappearing
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The shape of marriage may be changing, but its core appeal remains. Marni Feuerman explains that people are simply more deliberate now. They’re not rushing down the aisle because of social pressure. They’re thinking through the why, the who, and whether marriage fits their version of happiness.
Fewer People Are Marrying—And That’s Okay
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Instead of following tradition, many are making relationships that feel right for them. Marriage might not be the default anymore, but that doesn’t mean people are giving up on love. They’re just choosing their own version of it.
Legal Benefits Still Matter
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Despite shifting norms, marriage comes with real-world perks: tax breaks, inheritance rights, and healthcare access. Melissa Hummelt points out that even though long-term love doesn’t require paperwork, plenty of couples still find value in the legal protections a marriage provides, especially when life gets complicated.
Getting Married Later Is Helping
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The average age of first marriage in the U.S. has crept into the late 20s and early 30s. That extra time gives people a chance to understand themselves and their partner before making the leap. Psychologist Margaret Clark suggests that waiting may actually help couples avoid the pitfalls that used to lead to early divorce.
It Won’t Fix Your Relationship
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Some walk into marriage hoping it’ll magically solve lingering issues. Spoiler alert: it won’t. The ceremony doesn’t guarantee emotional closeness or conflict resolution. If anything, it turns up the pressure. A marriage needs a real connection, not just matching rings and a party playlist.
The Stability Feels Comforting
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When the world gets unpredictable, some people look to marriage for a sense of steadiness. The routines, the built-in support, and the feeling that someone’s in your corner are what many value most. Even in an age where independence is the norm, the appeal of a reliable partnership hasn’t faded.
You Can Build a Life Without It
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Marriage isn’t the only path to lasting love these days. Some couples live together, raise families, and build full lives without ever signing a license. Adam Borland points out that when care, respect, and communication are present, the relationship works just as well.
For Some, It’s a Right Hard-Won
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Marriage means different things to different communities. For many queer couples, it’s tied to a long fight for equality. While marriage can offer safety and recognition, it also carries baggage for those who’ve historically been excluded from it. That history adds layers to the debate.
Expectations Have Gone Through the Roof
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Today’s couples often expect their spouse to be a lover, therapist, cheerleader, and soulmate all in one. That’s a tall order. Alexandra Solomon points out that emotional attunement is essential, but no one partner can be everything. That kind of pressure can wear down even the strongest bond.
People Are Redefining “Forever”
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Gone are the days when “till death do us part” was the only acceptable outcome. Some couples enter marriage with an open-ended mindset. Modern relationships are more fluid, with less stigma around reassessing the future, even if it means parting ways.
The Roots Weren’t Always Romantic
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Marriage wasn’t always about love. Historically, it centered on land, lineage, and alliances. While marriage today looks different, traces of its past still linger. The challenge now is to create something that supports both people as individuals and as a team.
Divorce Isn’t As Common As People Think
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That old “half of all marriages end in divorce” statistic is not quite accurate anymore. Divorce rates have dropped over the past decade. Experts believe this is partly because couples are getting married later and more thoughtfully. It turns out a little patience might be good for love.
Marriage Isn’t Fair For Everyone
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Marriage doesn’t always treat both partners equally. Matt Lundquist points out that in straight couples, women often shoulder more emotional labor even when working full-time. For marriage to work today, couples need to rethink fairness and responsibilities, not just divide chores based on tradition.
Long-Term Love Is a Growth Journey
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No couple is finished on their wedding day. Marriage means adapting, stumbling, and finding new ways forward together. Years bring change—sometimes challenging, sometimes surprising—but the real work is in sticking around for it, and letting each other evolve along the way.