The first rule of dating is to know what you want before you even start. So, spend some time thinking about what you want to get from a potential relationship: Companionship? Adventure? Marriage? Love and Intimacy Coach Matthew Solomon recommends pinning down the qualities you want in a partner, as well as those you don’t want.
“If you don’t take the time to do this, like most in the dating world, you end up just bouncing around from one relationship to the next, never knowing why things don’t seem to work out,” says Solomon. “You need to know where you are headed when you go for a drive — it’s exactly the same with dating.”
When you know what you want, you have to learn how to say it out loud, says Counselor and Relationship Coach Ben Goresky. “We live in a culture of people pleasers,” he adds. “We get caught up in the process of trying to please each other to get what we want, without being able to say it aloud. We enter into covert agreements, ‘If I do this, I’ll get that,’ and the agreements are never talked about. Inevitably, we are disappointed when the covert agreement is broken.”
Instead of playing games with your date, speak directly to what you want — you may be surprised how attractive this makes you to other people.
