Valentine’s Day is the official day to celebrate love. And that’s great. We’re happy for all the happy couples out there. Really.
It can, however, leave many of the singles out there feeling left out. If that’s you this year or you’re just in need of a good laugh, prepare yourself. Jimmy Fallon asked Twitter users to share why they’re single using the #WhyImSingle hashtag, and the replies did not disappoint.
Hopefully, these 49 funny tweets will brighten your day.
Forget Tinder. Recreate the Spaghetti Scene From ‘Lady and the Tramp’ Instead.
Conversations with your dog won’t help your love life, but can we watch? That sounds really entertaining.
Taco Tuesday? More Like Tacos Every Day
What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. That doesn’t apply to cheating, but it definitely applies to an excess of tacos.
Sorry, Can’t. Already in a Committed Relationship With Myself.
Seriously, how do people have time to meet new people? We have enough people to pay attention to already. The application deadline closed eight years ago.
We Don’t Understand the Problem
If prospective partners don’t find morning feline shoulder rides sickeningly adorable, dump them.
John Mulaney’s Great and All, But…
“The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.”
—John Mulaney
See? You don’t have to get rejected less. You just have to start liking it.
Why, Exactly?
It’s a test to see if they can tolerate how irritating you are as a person. Shocking how no one has passed.
There Are Plenty of Fish, Unless the Only Fish You Like Is Chris Evans
If you shoot for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll land among the stars. Does that mean we have a dinner date with Scott Evans, then?
All of the Snuggles, None of the Stress
Spot the problem. Oh, wait. There isn’t one.
Being Single Has Its Perks
Makes cents to us. Having your own living quarters is so much more relaxing, and annoying dates are a dime a dozen.
Self-Awareness Is the First Step
But why does she know this? Does she feed her horse toffee? What a terrible pet owner. Sounds like someone dodged a bullet.
We Need Details
The worst dates make the best stories, so there’s that. Don’t be shy, Lauren. Tell us the rest.
Humor Goes a Long Way
Nothing like a Port-a-Potty selfie to break the ice.
Safety Is Attractive
During the height of the pandemic, social distancing was a totally valid reason not to download Tinder. Now, we have to admit we’d prefer to hang out with our dog alone.
Ah, the Romance
The right person will be into you even at your weirdest, Beth. If your date can’t handle an unconventional goodbye, he didn’t deserve you.
Sharing Is Overrated
Compromise is a requirement of any healthy relationship. If you’re not there, there’s no shame in staying single.
Hey, Mick Jagger’s Never Seemed to Have a Problem in the Relationship Department
Doing Party Dances Sounds Like a Great Date to Us
BYOB = Bring Your Own Bulldog
Better Chances of Getting off the Harvard Waitlist, Mate
PSA: Pillow Talk Doesn’t Mean Whispering Sweet Nothings to Your Tempur-Pedic Supreme
Relationship Status: In an Abusive Relationship With Pizza Rolls
Own Your Cheesiness, Evelyn. It’s Your Most Delicious Quality.
Can’t Pick Up the Check Either. Because … Paws.
Danielle, There Are Better Ways to Land a Date With a Firefighter
Hear That Sound? No? Perfect.
Let’s Rebrand ‘Aloof’ as ‘Low-Maintenance’
Maybe Consider Lowering the Bar
Who Needs Meal Planning When Sliced Ham Exists?
Great for the Stage. Not So Great for a Dinner Date.
But Spontaneity Is the Spice of Life
Maybe the John Mulaney Fan Would Be Into It?
If Ritualistic Friends Marathons Are Your Ideal Date, We’ve Got a Match
We Get It. Dogs Never Leave the Toilet Seat Up.
None of Them Are Even Posing With a Fish
Garlic Breath Isn’t Ideal…
But Wait, That Was a Quality Pun
Is Awkward Eye Contact Flirting?
No Shame. Solo Karaoke Nights Are the Best.
There’s Only Room for Oreos in Life
99 Problems and a Rooster Is All of Them
Fetch Isn’t the Only Game He’s Playing
Hi, Nice to Meet You. I Like Long Walks in the Park — Oh Look, a Ball!
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