Hilarious Reviews of U.S. National Monuments

These 19 terrible reviews of national monuments will have you cracking up.

Before you head out to a National Monument, it’s not uncommon to check the reviews. Seeing what other people have to say about certain famous places can be helpful if you want certain tips to make your experience smoother. Usually, the reviews are an affirmation that the monument is iconic and impressive. But not always.

Some of the reviews reveal quite a different viewpoint.

Whatever the cause of the disappointment, these one-star Yelp reviews of these generally impressive monuments turn out to be pretty entertaining. Whether you agree or disagree with the review itself, the fact that someone took the time to complain for all the internet to see is something that should at least be recognized. And that’s exactly what you’ll find here.

Mount Rushmore: ‘Kind of Scary’

Mount Rushmore can be impressive, or scary, depending on how you see it. Getty Images

“not very good. kind of scary imo. my little sister cried. do NOT bring kids to this thing.” — Dan L.

If you have little kids who might get scared of giant faces that look like they might be slowly coming out of a mountain side, perhaps skip this monument.

And, maybe skip any art museum that has any statue or pictures that could also make your child believe that large, inanimate objects could come to life.

Mount Rushmore: ‘Underwhelming’

Some find a lot to complain about in Mount Rushmore. Getty Images

“World’s most mysterious natural rock formation Mountainous Rushmore was underwhelming and a lot smaller than promised, not even sure who all those men are up there but I think it’s just the same man four times in a row and why is that???? There should be four or five WOMEN up there if you ask me. Small as heck and crowded too, like can you at least put a VIP section so I don’t have to rub elbows with all these freakin peons? There are a lot of them.

Met some really cool people as I was milling around the border between pets allowed and pets banned, should really allow pets, seems very un American and unfair, but the people I met were nice, unfortunately they were not associated with Mountain Rushmore at all so one star for this lumpy rock!!!” — Drew C.

There are so many mixed signals in this review. The reviewer didn’t like the set up of seeing it, nor did they like that it was only men up there. Plus, for some reason, they wanted a VIP section so they could not have to rub shoulders with other people, who they refer to as peons. Also, they called not being allowed to have your dog with you Un-American. All in all, it sounds like a lot of complaints for a short excursion.

Mount Rushmore: ‘Merican Phat Pants Ice Cream Zoo’

Mount Rushmore is not everyone’s favorite monument. Getty Images

“If I could give zero to this collection of ‘Merican phat pants ice cream zoo I would. This is a disgrace to the park system. Dont go here. Stay in the hills or badlands instead.

I do not think it is patriotic to deface a mountain. Also the surrounding towns are horrible. I am pretty sure that the next gathering of the juggalos is taking place around here somewhere.” — P. K.

Not only does this reviewer not like the structure itself, he doesn’t like the people who are on it or the people living in the towns that surround it.

Despite the fact that it’s genuinely impressive to carve faces into a mountain, no matter what you may believe about the men in the mountain, this reviewer is not having it.

Mount Rushmore: ‘Not That Awesome’

Mount Rushmore, the eye of Lincoln. Getty Images

“Not to downplay the achievements of the monument… but, it was really not that awesome.

Seriously, you can only look at giant heads carved into the side of a mountain for so long. We drove across the country and through SD for this?” — Adam W.

It’s almost like this person was hoping there would be more to this sight than simply what it is – heads carved into the side of a mountain. It seems like if there had been some sort of firework display or educational animatronic show to go with it, he might be more satisfied.

The Lincoln Memorial: ‘He Just Sat There Stone Faced in Silence’

The Lincoln Memorial is rather static. Getty Images

“Extremely disappointing. I recently went to the Memorial and Lincoln did not speak to me. Heck, he didn’t even get up to greet me at the entrance. He just sat there stone faced in silence. I even asked about his experiences in slaying vampires and no response. How rude!

Would not recommend unless you wanted to see a statue.” — Nick B.

This is how you give an iconic statue a bad review. This hilarious reviewer clearly understood that if you’re going to be upset about a piece of American history, you should be upset for all the right reasons. Lincoln won’t talk to you about anything when you visit the memorial – he’s just sitting there like a statue because he is one.

USS Arizona: ‘Government Scam’

Just because it’s hard to get tickets for the USS Arizona it doesn’t mean it’s not worth the visit. Getty Images

“It is a great Memorial but now just a government scam. cannot ever get tickets. Didn’t know I needed to book 3 months in advance. What a joke. I guess I can start booking tickets and sell them out front to the tour companies.” — Randy G.

It’s totally understandable if you get to a National Monument and have an underwhelming experience that frustrates you. But it feels unfair to criticize something you didn’t even get the chance to see simply because you didn’t know that you needed to plan in advance to experience it.

The Reflecting Pool: ‘Worst Water Park Ever’

The Washington Monument and Reflecting Pool in Washington, D.C. Getty Images

“Worst. Water. Park. Ever. You can’t even get in with a cocktail without being approached by the authorities! Not to mention it’s not even deep enough to dive into. Lame!” — Eric S.

This hysterical hero is exactly right. The Reflecting Pool in Washington, D.C., is the worst water park you will ever visit. Mostly because it is not at all a water park, but rather a beautiful pool of water meant to be an artistic symbol for the public to enjoy. Cocktails are not served.

The Statue of Liberty: ‘An Eyesore with No Aesthetic Value’

The Statue of Liberty had at least one detractor. Getty Images

“Two thumbs down. This is the worst freedom monument I have experienced. An eyesore with no aesthetic value. Of debatable social value. Every time I eat here I immediately have to” — Jackson S.

Hey, to each their own. If the Statue of Liberty isn’t up to your artistic standards, it’s totally fine to not love it or want a small replica of it to display in your home. Plus, if you’re going to criticize, it’s important to finish your thought. I really wonder what happens every time this person eats there now.

The Liberty Bell: ‘Disappointing to Say the Least’

Spoiler alert: the Liberty Bell doesn’t ring. Getty Images

“Let me just relay a few of the reasons the Liberty Bell is a national disappointment:

Not in a tower. Cannot be rung, AND it’s broken. Disappointing to say the least. It’s not even that big.” — Emily C.

Sometimes, the cost of liberty isn’t pretty. And those symbols of that same liberty are also not always beautiful. Though you can easily learn all about the large crack in the Liberty Bell, how it came about, why it isn’t rung anymore, and why it remains an important symbol of the American Revolution, none of that seemed to matter to this reviewer who wanted more of a traditional bell experience.

The Gateway Arch in St. Louis: ‘Security Wouldn’t Let Us Through’

Access can be limited at the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. Getty Images

“They said we could bring our emotional support animal but security wouldn’t let us through” — Camden C.

If you’re expecting to be able to take your emotional support animal somewhere and the regulations around it don’t allow it, it can be rather traumatic for all involved.

But to say that the whole structure is one star because you weren’t able to actually experience the inside of it seems a little bit of a stretch.

The Gateway Arch in St. Louis: ‘The Worst City’

Sometimes a monument is not to blame. Getty Images

“The city of Saint Louis is the worst city that I have visited in the United States and I have visited 49 of the 50 states!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT GO TO THIS CITY!” — Dale W.

Rather than commenting on the structure of the Arch itself or any aspect of visiting it, this person decided that the Arch was a symbol for all of St. Louis and that all of St. Louis needed to be reviewed.

And, as you can see, they are not a fan of the entire city (and therefore, presumably, the Arch as well).

**Chicago’s Cloud Gate: ‘The Mirror Ain’t Even Sh*t’**

Chicago’s Cloud Gate structure, known as “The Bean.” Getty Images

“This shit is just a mirror tf???? Like why u gotta reflect everything. Lowkey lots of fingerprint smudges. Also saw myself in the cloud gate and I was looking pudgy af so the mirror ain’t even shit. Wish I could negative rate but it’s not even an option here. Don’t waste your time -8/10” —Justin L.

This reviewer seems to have a number of issues with Chicago’s Cloud Gate structure (more commonly known as “The Bean”). Not only are they frustrated that it’s just a warped mirror (and one that reflects, as mirrors do), but it’s also had people touch it and leave smudges. And on top of all that, the warped mirror made him feel pudgy – or maybe that’s just all that deep dish Chicago pizza shining through?

The Golden Gate Bridge: ‘It Didn’t Do Anything’

The Golden Gate Bridge is stationary, fortunately. Getty Images

“The bridge just….. sat there. It didn’t do anything. I thought it would be more fun. They put nets on the sides to prevent people jumping off to go for a nice, cool swim. Didn’t realize we were living in Nazi Germany. 1 out of 5” — Jared L.

Ever since the advent of drawbridges, the regular plain old bridge hasn’t gotten the respect it deserves. And despite its historical significance, majesty, and beauty, the fact that this bridge just sits there and allows cars to safely pass over water just isn’t enough to impress this reviewer.

The Golden Gate Bridge: ‘Totally False Advertising’

Yes, it’s red. Getty Images

“Totally false advertising. It’s Red. If it was called the Red Gate Bridge it would probably be three stars because it’s just a little too windy for four.” — Loren G.

Despite the name, the Golden Gate Bridge is actually named after its location above the Golden Gate Strait, a turbulent but beautiful area of water that’s where the Pacific Ocean meets the San Francisco Bay.

It was actually named for its beauty, two years before gold was discovered in California. Anyway, all that aside, the bridge itself isn’t made of gold so I guess it does deserve a one-star review.

The Golden Gate Bridge: ‘Not a Fan of the Color Red’

That’s right, red. Getty Images

“I’m not a fan of the color red. Also, the thing is just freakin’ huge, ya know. Just take the long way around it.” — Michael R.

If you don’t like the color red, the predominant color on the Golden Gate Bridge, this will not be a pretty sight for you. Ignore the structure and the significance, red is a really bold color choice and definitely something that will decide if this gets a good or bad overall review.

Alcatraz Island: ‘I Felt Like I was Actually in Prison’

On Alcatraz Island, the prison tour can be immersive. Getty Images

“IT STINKS!!!

Literally, the whole island smells like bird shit. It’s nauseating. I felt literally sick to my stomach. And it wasn’t even any better inside the buildings. It smelled even worse. I don’t know how, but it was disgusting.

Sure, the cellhouse audio tour was informative, but you can probably hear something similar online. This experience was so nauseating that I felt like I was actually in prison and not free to breathe fresh air” — Diane Z.

Based on the frustrations and disgust of this tourist, you’d think that this was the absolute worst place in the world. And, to be fair, she would be right during certain periods of history. Of course, plenty of other visitors accepted the fact that a historical island that housed prisoners in the middle of water might not smell amazing, but this reviewer couldn’t get over it.

And also probably has the wrong idea of what prison actually feels like.

White Sands: ‘Sunset Ruined by the Noise’

The majestic view of White Sands is incredible, but no guarantees about the noise. Getty Images

“Every car had speakers blaring!

A beautiful sunset ruined by the noise of numerous cars with speakers blaring different music.” — Kate S.

Ignore the fact that this is one of the most beautiful places is America with absolutely unique and stunning views, the noise just ruined it for this person. It’s understandable that you’d want to get a little peace and quiet in nature, but everyone experiences majesty differently.

Next time just blare your own nature sounds over the music to drown it out (and maybe make a point).

National Museum of the American Indian: ‘Nothing Interesting to See’

The National Museum of the American Indian is cool. Getty Images

“I don’t feel like I learned a thing, nothing interesting to see. Best part was the air conditioning.” — Tracy P.

Though there are plenty of criticisms you could wage against any museum — especially one that talks about some of the more questionable elements of American history — it seems unfair to say you didn’t feel like you learned anything.

Every day there’s something new to learn and unless you either already knew everything you could possibly know about Native American history or you just didn’t take the time to read, that’s not really the museum’s fault. Though props to you for at least admitting the air conditioning was nice.

President Lincoln’s Cottage: ‘Horrible’

President Lincoln’s Cottage, too informative for some. Getty Images

“Horrible! Just go and take a picture of the house. No furniture inside. It’s a 1 hour lecture on Lincoln which you could google.” — Jennifer B.

You visit something to experience it and feel like you’ve stepped into history a bit. You can always easily Google something and get both great pictures and excellent information. And sure, some things may be disappointing if you had higher expectations. But if you didn’t want a lecture on Lincoln, perhaps don’t visit his cottage. Just a thought.